Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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