I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
