Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
