'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
