My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
