there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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