Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
