she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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