She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
