your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
