I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
