So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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