i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Still dying that you shit outside
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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