I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
