There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
