shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
