He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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