I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
