You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
