I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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