I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
