I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
