holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How does one acquire holy water?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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