Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
