I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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