Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
