I CAN MOONWALK!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
