i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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