i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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