You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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