i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
