i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
