home. puking in laundry basket.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
