So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
