I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
