Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
People in love make me want to vomit
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
