Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
