True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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