i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
