I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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