u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
