I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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