My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
