He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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