Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
