i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
