the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
