just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
