This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
