This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
