Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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