Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
