Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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