drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
